It's not about getting published but finding your tribe.
Wait! Whaaaaat? Graves, wait. The entire point of writing in the first place is to get that Big 4 publishing contract, right?
For many, yes. But is that healthy thinking? Is that the way it should be?
If you have been in the querying trenches long, you already might have faced many of the following situations. I have had a dialogue with authors, experienced my own querying warfare, and observed many posts by disenfranchised writers out there. Recently, I can name about five authors in my social media acquaintance who left their agents. I can times that number by ten for how many are struggling with rejection after rejection. In these stories, authors feel like failures. Their mental health is at stake. The industry is not kind nor is the system fair.
It is hard to remember when it was all about getting published for me. Instead, I remember writing my entire life for me, no one else. That dominates my memory more than the querying trenches. There was a time, the first time I queried in 2011-2012 when I desperately longed to "make it." I dreamt of the agent, a Big-6 deal (back then, now just the 4), and a pretty advance. I knew it was a dream. I would've settled for something small--just getting published. I had some query success. I had three agents come wooing (details in Never Giving Up). It didn't pan out because I refused to sell out. This was asked of me in the guise of being "more relatable, less complex, bring down the reading level for a wider audience, make it more like [popular novel]." This might seem reasonable and some take this path and no judgment there. But I walked away. It would've become something that was not me, something I could not be proud of, even if it struck big.
Life forced a querying break. When I got back on the horse years later, I already knew I was looking for a different path. My writing was not meant for the Big 4 and agents, or perhaps, they were not meant for me. The traditional route left a rank taste in my mouth and now I see some others discovering the same. I imagine with only the big 4 instead of 6, with imprints of the 4 closing due to pandemic cost-cutting measurements, it must be harder than ever to get a deal. I do not envy the difficulty for these agents in this climate.
My path ended up being with independent publishers, and I'm happy there. I can write for myself as I had always done and wanted to do--at no upfront cost to me. The moment it becomes something that is not for me is the moment I begin to hate my lifelong passion. Of course, I want to sell books, make money, and have people read them, but on my terms with the confidence that my writing is mine and not a butchered, watered-down result of market trends to please the masses.
So if you're downtrodden and weary in those publishing trenches, know that finding your tribe, where your writing belongs, is the most important thing for a writer. Whether that is traditional, indie publisher, or self-publishing route, find your place and your people. This should be your home and your supporters. They can come in the form of self-published authors banding together to help each other, a writing group, or authors with a common publisher. Find your tribe. Once you do that, deals don't matter Neither do numbers. You're home.