Monday, July 14, 2014

Macho Man: Barfly #7

Macho Man                                                   Barfly # 7

4 oz of Wild Turkey in the manliest glass the bar has to offer
1 oz of arrogance
A sprig of homophobia

*each sip must be followed by a sharp inhalation and/or a caveman-like grunt so people notice your utter manhood. Also, just to be sure no one doubts your sexuality insulting others and/or objectifying women will show people just how amazingly tough you can be.


I'm sitting at the bar after a shift at my summer job trying to mind my own business when one of those loud voices rises above the rest and warrants all the patrons' attention. There's a man at the end of the bar, mid to late 20's, who seems your average Joe, but the voice is loud and confident. Too confident. I can tell he thinks highly of himself and his volume is robust only so everyone can hear him in hopes to gain everyone's attention. He has a scraggly unkempt goatee, and deep sunken eyes that make him appear tired. His hair and eyes are both light which gives him a less intimidating appearance and he is tall and thin, yet not to the point of being called lanky. He's clad in a t-shirt, cargo shorts, and sneakers. He seems your normal all American kind of guy, but I soon realize he's not the all American dude you want to befriend. He's one of those stereotypes I dislike in our country: the macho man.

According to Urban Dictionary.com, macho refers to a "male who cannot 'lose face' in front of his mates or women. Most macho men have the emotional range of a teaspoon and have enough empathy to fill the ink tube in a pen. Macho men find any contact with other males to be of 'homosexual' nature, with the exception of the 'manly handshake'." You know this guy, you've seen him, maybe even hung out with (or dated) him before he showed his true colors. He's the type of guy that will treat others like crap in order to seem tough. 
Being far away, I shouldn't be able to hear him, especially with my friend talking to me, but I can hear snippets. Sorry friend for that--my attention was divided. The pieces of conversation I heard was him talking--no the proper word would be "bragging"--about all the terrible or mean stuff he has done to people. Then he'd laugh wholeheartedly like it was super-duper cool to be a complete jerk. I'm seriously feeling as if I were transported back to high school at this point. Then he moved onto the typical macho man move when a cute waitress came by to pick up drinks for her table at the service bar. He said, while looking at her the entire time but talking to the bartender, "I bartended once. I made $400 in two hours and brought $2000 to the bar. You know why? Because I'm f*#@ing awesome and I'm not a b*#@ unlike some people who don't know how to talk to people." The girl rolled her eyes and walked away but she did feel uncomfortable. She must've shot him down before I walked in. I felt a little bad for her that this man, feeling emasculated by her rebuff, felt the need to retaliate and call her names. Yes, we all have wounded pride but most of us lick our wounds and get up and try again, but not Macho Man. No Macho Man must recover his manhood and for some reason society claims that he must be condescending, rude, and show he is heartless in order to "be a man." I'm not solely blaming Macho Man here, society has driven him to feel and act this way as well.

He goes on to say much more and it's worse but I'm getting increasingly annoyed and even uncomfortable with his behavior and finally acquiesce to my friend's plea to head to another bar as she is ready to kill the guy (pretty drastic there, but then again I just admitted I want to put a glass into his face--if we were in a world that lacked consequences at least). When someone warns him to be careful about driving, he admits he rode his bike since he's lost his license for all the points and DUI's he's racked up almost as if it is a game you want to score high in. No buddy, it's more like golf but that sport isn't manly enough (contact sports only for this guy, usually UFC) so he wouldn't understand anyway. As we walk out the door, he says his slogan (and yes, he called it his slogan) for the umpteenth time: "I don't give a f*#@." What a beautiful specimen of humanity, I joke to my friend, but we don't really laugh. I lighten up the mood by likening him to Will Ferrell's Lumberjack bit in Stepbrothers, but the laugh we have is fleeting.

As I ponder on my barfly Macho Man, I have to feel sorry for him. I'm attempting judge people less and yet here I am doing it. And I'm sure he is judged for his behavior on a daily basis. He thinks he's showing off for all of us, but he's really making people dislike him. It's almost as if his Macho Man manners are the metaphorical walls he puts up to protect his vulnerability. He acts that way to protect himself and get people to like him, particularly girls, but it doesn't work and he doesn't realize it. It is my experience when we say we don't care about something (like his slogan to the world), we actually do care or we want someone to make us care. So Macho Man, take down the masculinity a notch and you'll find a girl, one who like the tough exterior with a teddy bear heart inside. At least I hope there's still a teddy bear in him trying to get out. Good luck Macho Man. I hope you find love. Love seems to conquer all the demons in us.

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